When one loses something what is the first thing they do? They look for it. Well... I've lost something. I lost my best friend and mom. She was everything to me but I am not enough. To her anyway. She walked away when I need her the most. I just wish she could be more of a mother to me.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Lost
Thursday, August 18, 2011
A new chapter in life
As I sit here and begin writing this post, Susie is running around outside, with my sister, and Cäcilie is laying in her daddy's warm arms. I decided to begin blogging as a way for me to share my journey as a wife and mother and also to share our experiences as a family. I have always loved to write, since I was a little girl. My dad is a writer and I must of inherited that glorious gene from him. When I married Kyle I saw what an artist he was. He could paint, draw, and sketch beautiful portraits. I guess I can do the same with words. I can only hope that the girls inherit our artistic abilities.
However, I feel in order to connect with my experiences now, you must connect with my past. So let' start from the beginning. I was born and raised at Keesler AFB in MS. I came into this world with an older sister Jen. We're 6 years apart and we're like Night and Day. I'm day... Jennifer is the more rambunctious one and I'm the more conservative one. Two years after my blessed arrival, my brother Mark was born. He could be my twin...SERIOUSLY. We look just alike and have been mistakenly for twins. We grew up very close. I could turn to him for anything. Four years after Mark was born my youngest sibling came. Her name is Becca. She is the baby of the family and is quite the riot. When I was 10, we moved to Illinois. My dad received orders. I grew up the rest of the way here. I made many friends and dated a couple boys. In 2005, I met Kyle. Kyle was 4 years my senior and had a motorcycle. We became friends immediately. In May 2007, Kyle and I started dating. We had a whirlwind romance that led to us being married May 18, 2008. 2 days before my high school graduation. I had found my true love sooner than most people. I was one lucky girl.
Kyle and I was anxious to start our family. We started trying soon afterwards and I found out I was pregnant in October 2008. One morning, while I was at work, I started bleeding. Fearing for the worst, I called Kyle. He got off of work and came and got me. Later that day, we lost our baby. Nothing could fill the void that a baby leaves. Its scary how fast you can go from 3 to 2 in a matter of a day. I had lost my mom and dad's first grandbaby. Our first baby. I felt like a failure. I couldn't see the ray of happiness at the end of the tunnel. I just saw the black emptiness. Despite everything Kyle doing for me, nothing could replace it. At the end of February 2009 we found out we were expecting again. This time I was incredibly paranoid. I took a pregnancy test everyday for weeks. Especially before an ultrasound. And everytime it was positive. I was soon attacked by the wrath of morning sickness. I threw up everyday all day. I even visited the er a few times. After several months and a smorgasbord of prescriptions the sickness subsided. In June, we found out we were expecting a little girl. The ultrasound showed a beautiful little perfect girl. Kyle and I quickly decided on a name. Susan Mary Catherine Kressin (no we're not catholic). Susan after my great grandma, Mary after my maternal grandma, and Catherine after my paternal grandmother. It was a perfect name. Later, we found out that Susan meant lily of the valley and I always wanted to name our daughter Lily so it balanced out. Also, we lost my father's mother last August so I'm glad we named Susie after her.
On the morning of November 19, 2009, Kyle and I set out to the hospital. I had to be there by 6 am. The dr had decided to induce me one day before my due date because they thought Susie was going to be a ten pounder. I checked into the hospital and after a short and pain free but natural birth our beautiful Susie came into this world. She weighted 7lbs 4oz. 19 1/2in long. Immediately after Susie's arrival something serious happened. I started to bleed. The dr attempted to massage my uterus in order to stimulate it to start clamping down. Nothing was working. Susie was born at 5:49 pm and the dr did not leave my room til a little after 11. Eventually, my bleeding subsided but not without putting my body in a compromised state. I was given blood by product, like freshly frozen plasma, to stimulate blood production and to help me clot. The good news was we had a healthy beautiful baby.
Susie grew up too fast like they all do. She was nursing like a champ and growing like a stubborn weed. She learned momma and dadda early on. She skipped crawling completely. We had her dedicated to the lord on December 20, 2009. On that trip down to Mississippi to have her dedicated, she met her great grandma Hilton which she was named after. Grandmother was so excited to meet her little namesake. I don't think we were in the hotel room 3 seconds before Susie was whisked away into her arms. It would be the one and only time they would meet.
When Susie was 9 months we conceived again. I was sent to a high risk hospital to be monitored during my pregnancy. I also had a hematologist that I saw. While I was busy planning Susie's 1st birthday, we found out that we were blessed with another baby girl. I was soooo excited. After all, whats better than having TWO girls to dress in bows and frills. In September 2010, I was diagnosed with Amniotic Band Syndrome. It put our little peanut in jeopardy. She could be born with severe malformations. We continued on with the pregnancy with the drs keeping monitor on our baby. We celebrated Susie's 1st birthday with a boom. On April 7th, 2011, I had my last ob appointment. I was scheduled to be induced on the 11th. They put me on a non stress test. After an hour, the nurse practitioner came in. She took a look at the strip and left the room. Ten minutes later, she came back in and told me that the baby's heartbeat wasn't just right. She told me to go home and if, for any reason, the baby stops moving to go immediately to the hospital. As if on cue, the baby stopped moving that evening. I called my mom. After spending an hour on my knees scrubbing the floor. I was determined to bring our new baby home to a clean house. We left for the hospital. After we arrived at the hospital I was surprised to find out I was halfway dilated. On April 8, 2011 at 4:19 pm, Cäcilie Mandaline Estelle Kressin was born. My labor and delivery was fast and natural. Two hours after Cäcilie was born she started having breathing issues. She had aspirated fluid into her lungs. Little did we know those would last 11 days in the NICU.
Cäcilie was put on CPAP for 2 days. During this time we found out she had contracted pneumonia. The dr put her on antibiotics and we played the waiting game. I stayed on campus the entire time. In the beginning I pumped solely. Eventually, Cäcilie latched on and our nursing relationship took off. On April 19th, we brought our beautiful angel home.
Our life has been amazing with two beautiful daughters in my life. We can only go up from here...
However, I feel in order to connect with my experiences now, you must connect with my past. So let' start from the beginning. I was born and raised at Keesler AFB in MS. I came into this world with an older sister Jen. We're 6 years apart and we're like Night and Day. I'm day... Jennifer is the more rambunctious one and I'm the more conservative one. Two years after my blessed arrival, my brother Mark was born. He could be my twin...SERIOUSLY. We look just alike and have been mistakenly for twins. We grew up very close. I could turn to him for anything. Four years after Mark was born my youngest sibling came. Her name is Becca. She is the baby of the family and is quite the riot. When I was 10, we moved to Illinois. My dad received orders. I grew up the rest of the way here. I made many friends and dated a couple boys. In 2005, I met Kyle. Kyle was 4 years my senior and had a motorcycle. We became friends immediately. In May 2007, Kyle and I started dating. We had a whirlwind romance that led to us being married May 18, 2008. 2 days before my high school graduation. I had found my true love sooner than most people. I was one lucky girl.
Kyle and I was anxious to start our family. We started trying soon afterwards and I found out I was pregnant in October 2008. One morning, while I was at work, I started bleeding. Fearing for the worst, I called Kyle. He got off of work and came and got me. Later that day, we lost our baby. Nothing could fill the void that a baby leaves. Its scary how fast you can go from 3 to 2 in a matter of a day. I had lost my mom and dad's first grandbaby. Our first baby. I felt like a failure. I couldn't see the ray of happiness at the end of the tunnel. I just saw the black emptiness. Despite everything Kyle doing for me, nothing could replace it. At the end of February 2009 we found out we were expecting again. This time I was incredibly paranoid. I took a pregnancy test everyday for weeks. Especially before an ultrasound. And everytime it was positive. I was soon attacked by the wrath of morning sickness. I threw up everyday all day. I even visited the er a few times. After several months and a smorgasbord of prescriptions the sickness subsided. In June, we found out we were expecting a little girl. The ultrasound showed a beautiful little perfect girl. Kyle and I quickly decided on a name. Susan Mary Catherine Kressin (no we're not catholic). Susan after my great grandma, Mary after my maternal grandma, and Catherine after my paternal grandmother. It was a perfect name. Later, we found out that Susan meant lily of the valley and I always wanted to name our daughter Lily so it balanced out. Also, we lost my father's mother last August so I'm glad we named Susie after her.
On the morning of November 19, 2009, Kyle and I set out to the hospital. I had to be there by 6 am. The dr had decided to induce me one day before my due date because they thought Susie was going to be a ten pounder. I checked into the hospital and after a short and pain free but natural birth our beautiful Susie came into this world. She weighted 7lbs 4oz. 19 1/2in long. Immediately after Susie's arrival something serious happened. I started to bleed. The dr attempted to massage my uterus in order to stimulate it to start clamping down. Nothing was working. Susie was born at 5:49 pm and the dr did not leave my room til a little after 11. Eventually, my bleeding subsided but not without putting my body in a compromised state. I was given blood by product, like freshly frozen plasma, to stimulate blood production and to help me clot. The good news was we had a healthy beautiful baby.
Susie grew up too fast like they all do. She was nursing like a champ and growing like a stubborn weed. She learned momma and dadda early on. She skipped crawling completely. We had her dedicated to the lord on December 20, 2009. On that trip down to Mississippi to have her dedicated, she met her great grandma Hilton which she was named after. Grandmother was so excited to meet her little namesake. I don't think we were in the hotel room 3 seconds before Susie was whisked away into her arms. It would be the one and only time they would meet.
When Susie was 9 months we conceived again. I was sent to a high risk hospital to be monitored during my pregnancy. I also had a hematologist that I saw. While I was busy planning Susie's 1st birthday, we found out that we were blessed with another baby girl. I was soooo excited. After all, whats better than having TWO girls to dress in bows and frills. In September 2010, I was diagnosed with Amniotic Band Syndrome. It put our little peanut in jeopardy. She could be born with severe malformations. We continued on with the pregnancy with the drs keeping monitor on our baby. We celebrated Susie's 1st birthday with a boom. On April 7th, 2011, I had my last ob appointment. I was scheduled to be induced on the 11th. They put me on a non stress test. After an hour, the nurse practitioner came in. She took a look at the strip and left the room. Ten minutes later, she came back in and told me that the baby's heartbeat wasn't just right. She told me to go home and if, for any reason, the baby stops moving to go immediately to the hospital. As if on cue, the baby stopped moving that evening. I called my mom. After spending an hour on my knees scrubbing the floor. I was determined to bring our new baby home to a clean house. We left for the hospital. After we arrived at the hospital I was surprised to find out I was halfway dilated. On April 8, 2011 at 4:19 pm, Cäcilie Mandaline Estelle Kressin was born. My labor and delivery was fast and natural. Two hours after Cäcilie was born she started having breathing issues. She had aspirated fluid into her lungs. Little did we know those would last 11 days in the NICU.
Cäcilie was put on CPAP for 2 days. During this time we found out she had contracted pneumonia. The dr put her on antibiotics and we played the waiting game. I stayed on campus the entire time. In the beginning I pumped solely. Eventually, Cäcilie latched on and our nursing relationship took off. On April 19th, we brought our beautiful angel home.
Our life has been amazing with two beautiful daughters in my life. We can only go up from here...
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